You heard it here first. At some point soon the two populist campaigns will join forces and take the White House with Donald Trump as the president. The odd-couple reality show residuals will foist Bernie to the top of Forbes’ “Lamest Billionaires” list before he’s even sworn in.
By 2018 the supreme will be hearing disputed disputes over MLB umpires’ decisions. By 2024 they will be the official referees of Wrestlemania. Incidentally, Wrestlemania 42 is where Bernie Sanders will peacefully shuffle of this mortal coil. Conspiracy theorists will insist that he was killed before the event by a Russian assassin and that his aides carried his dead corpse in so that they could attend the event. After that it will only be another 5 years before the last Facebook (by then a branch of the Social Security Administration) comment using the phrase “Feel the Bern” which by then will understood to be a reference yeast infections.
In fact, lots of good, funny, and interesting things will happen in the future! CSPAN will final get watchable. Even better news: selling the broadcast rights to the State of the Union Address will finally put a dent in the debt. And as budgets shift away from bureaucracies towards more explosive, entertaining, and big-data-y ventures, red tape will whither away. With a good dose of good luck, the world going to hell in a hand basket might be the best thing that’s ever happened to us.