What’s happened tonight

Hello, dear community! I wasn’t able to write here for quite a long time, but what’s happened tonight changed my mind and I feel an urgent need to share my experience with you.

What is a peaceful living? Seems that majority’s answer is “to feel safe in your country, in your house, to have enough money for living and inspiration for self-realization, etc.”. Well, edge of a corner is a feel of safety. And I’ve lost it tonight.

Just imagine. It’s 3 p.m., you sleeping in your bed, watching 10th dream and declining internally start of a working week. And then suddenly you awaken by door bell, there’s a lot of police outside, an ambulance (accidental heart-attack of your neighbour), bomb-finding squad with trained dogs and around 300 people on the street, scared to death. Evacuation. In night, which’s dark as shit, soldiers trying to find bomb: somebody called to police hot-line and reporting a chance of terroristic attack on our building. It’s a phone terrorism – 3 years of a jail in Russia. They didn’t found anything, so we were able to move back in one hour.

But will you be able to sleep again? I wasn’t.

Two hours of total sleep, wasted day at work… And know what? It’s a PTSD – posttraumatic stress disorder. I’m afraid to go home. Afraid to sleep. Because I’ve lost that sense of safety in my own house. You can be killed on a street (optional joke about hard living in Russia), you can die in car accident or somewhere else. But your house – is your fortress. Fortress with paper walls.

Be safe.

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7 thoughts on “What’s happened tonight

  1. Sorry to hear that Evgenii. Hopefully after some time passes you will again be able to feel at home when you’re at home.

  2. I know that feeling all too well. My then-house was attacked by a drunk woman who thought it was her house. She ended up being harmless, but at the time of the home invasion I was terrified. Afterwards I didn’t feel safe until I moved out. I hope you don’t have to do the same to regain a sense of security.

    • Terrifying experience, indeed! In Russia in big cities we don’t have personal houses (as in USA, for example). We all live in flats in huge buildings. And percentage of such drunk failures are quite low. But our feelings are similar: when somebody attacks you or your property you’ll need a time to restore that feel of safety.

    • I live in Russia. Season of white nights is over, so we wrapped in darkness. My work starts at 8 am, so it’s stupid not to sleep at night. I just made a mistake with a.m. and p.m.. We don’t use that time format in Russia.

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